At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
