I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
