I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
