Plan B is the new Plan A
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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