So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
