The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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