ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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