If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
