He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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