I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
