there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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