there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
