Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
