I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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