All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
