i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
