You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
