If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
