I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
