I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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