Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
