I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
