im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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