I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
