Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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