I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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