I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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