im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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