I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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