I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
