Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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