How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
