My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
