He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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