this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
