Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
