Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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