She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
