I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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