i permit you to call me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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