Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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