I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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