as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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