Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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