i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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