Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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