i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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