he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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