Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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