First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
