How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
