Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
