The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
