I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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