I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
