the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
