the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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