my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
