the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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