I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
