He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
