i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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