Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
