Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
