just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
