We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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