PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize