Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
