FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
