you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
