I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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