you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
