Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
