I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
