oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
