I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
