You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
