His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
