There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
