Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
