sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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