Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
