Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i out mim tonsoeep
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