I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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